The Recall

Tom sat down.
He was a very good friend. Best? No, I never had a best friend and I wouldnt stretch that far. I guess it's because I was always not the most trusting. I was always kind of the loner and I never put my faith in someone too long because then I would end up double crossed and laughed at and mocked and ridiculed like many times before.
I had called him in earlier.
"So whats this all about?" he asked
"Tom, I have to tell you something very important." I said
"And youll probably not believe me at all. But youre a good friend. If its one person I trust enough, its you"
"What is it?"
"Well...." And I began the story. Lets not tell it in 1st person directly from the dialogue as its a hassle. But let me summarize. This is what I said.
I came from the future you could say. Well, not quite. I have a special ability. The ability to redo my life starting at any point I wish. Very recently, I have just jumped back the longest I have ever done so. 11 years. I decided to redo most of my childhood. I was 27 years old when I made the jump back to a 15 year old today. Thats probably why you and the students and teachers have been astounded by how I act. Im a 27 year old in a little youthful body. Honestly Im even older than that as Ive made very small jumps in the past.
Tom looked astounded. You could tell he didnt honestly believe me.
"Well...."
I knew he was going to deny it or make some excuse to as it wasnt true.
Let's fast forward the story. Forget the useless details.
After a lot of convincing and proof, I finally got Tom to believe me, at least for the most part. I had to tell him about the future, display the vast knowledge of the world, and yes, I grabbed him along for a 5 minute jump back. Yes, thats what I call it. Jumps. And yes I can bring others. But its not a time jump. You're simply redoing your life. Its not another dimension or parallel universe either. I am simply redoing what has been done in my time. Each time I 'jump' back, it doesnt feel like Im going somewhere new. Its still the same people, the same environment, still organic. It doesnt feel like anything new or a 'copy'. These are the same people. I simply have undone the thread that which I have weaved earlier on. Its not erasing memories either. Its fairly confusing but Im happy its this way. Its much better than some fakery of another dimension. I dont think Id feel morally right to use it if it were any other way.
How I discovered this ability? Well thats a story for another time. With my ability, Ive kind of gotten impatient you see. I guess its because once youve lived this long and redone so many things, it becomes a pain explaining things over and over.

For fear of myself and other reasons, I have always made very small jumps, I told Tom. The ability made me a stupid selfish person. As a child, I used it for selfish gains that in the end only brought me pain. Money, achievement, the last retort in an argument.... It even almost got me killled. The fear of the ability and experiences of its maluse made me abstain from it for many months at a time. And when I hit the age I was now, I had decided to abstain from it almost completely. Except for the occasional 5 minute recall.

An outsider, like you, Tom, would probably look at this ability and think of it as a miracle. It could get me anything. I am essentially 'immortal'. I could essentially use it to obtain unfair advantages in any possible example. Standardized tests. Stock market. I could obtain riches and fame and anything I wanted. And if I failed? I had to simply recall.... right?
Honestly, thats what I had seemed to work out when I first got my abilities. But its not what it seemed. I had learned that whatever I tried doing, it all fell to ashes in my mouth, you could say. Nothing really mattered. Money, fame, fortune.... all of it didnt make me the slightest bit more happy. Why? Because once you are sated, it loses its spark. In other words, these things are superficial and will only keep you happy for so long.
I ended up falling into hard times. The ability, no matter how I tried to use it, still left me unsatisfied. Even sad. Its hard to admit, but it left me, a loner. I dont know how to describe it. And... I eventually got tired and exhausted of 'recalling' and trying again.
I had tried making friends but it just didnt seem to work out. I always somehow ended up fighting with my family. And still, I had yet to meet the girl of my dreams.
Each time, I went back, I had felt like I had lost what I had earned. Any memories and experiences I shared with people had been lost forever everywhere except for in my brain. My head was filled to bursting with all these experiences with so many people, yet as soon as I recalled... it was all lost.
One of the worst cases was when I had met this one guy at school. We became really good friends after a month but after a huge fight, I decided to recall. When I started again, it was a blank slate. He acted like he didnt know me. And it was true. He didnt. I had recalled. What was worse was for some reason, when I tried again, he didnt seem to get along with me. I guess it was the situation I started. Or for whatever reason. It didnt work out.
Then I had realized: all the little inside jokes and stories and little quirky things we did together. Well, they never happened. Here before me was just a random dude who didnt know me. It tore me apart and so I decided not to do it again.
And so I lived my life. To this day. And I guess I had forgotten.
And so you ask me, Tom, do I regret going back 11 years.
And I have to say yes and no.
Yes because I made a huge mistake. I left behind my family. All the experiences, the personalities, the history... The gifts I bought them during Christmas, the memories I made with them together, it will all be gone. I highly doubt they will again develop to be the same kind of person with the same personalities as they were, even if I tried to live exactly I had done in the past, which I wont try to anyways. I made a huge mistake and if I could redo the recall, I probably would. I will miss them forever. They were my first and true family.
And No because I have a chance to redo everything. And thats why I made such a huge decision. My life was screwed up still. I still felt empty. Lonely. Because of long, complicated histories, there were huge holes in my family. We were distant but close. Because of huge fights we were no longer as close as we should have been. There were huge quirks in my family. But we still tried our hardest to get through it. One of the reasons I decided to jump was because I wanted to fix this.
There is, probably, much more I need to explain but that is a story for another time.
And so here I am back at 'the start', you could say. The very earliest in my history where I thought I could do with some major changes. If you could redo your life, at what point, would you want to redo it at?
For me this is it. Everything before this was fine for the most part. It starts here in middle school. This is where I did some things I shouldnt have, didnt do some things I should have, and most importantly, missed out on a lot of opportunities.
And Im telling this to you Tom, because I will not recall again.
And for once, I wanted to share the actual me with someone. So I could fit in this real world again. And not be drifting in and out of this random, distorted world where everyone is clueless and ignorant but me.

~~~~~~~~~ END